The Struggle Of Making Friends In Germany: Why It's So Hard And What You Can Do.
If you’re new in Germany, or if you’ve been living here for a while but haven’t made any friends yet, you might be wondering why it’s so hard.
A lot of foreigners who move to Germany believe the best way to learn the language as well as assimilate into the culture is by making German friends. While this is true, it can also be quite difficult to achieve. There are a lot of reasons for this, some of which include cultural differences as well as the work-life culture.
So, let's talk about it.
Making friends anywhere is hard, add on the peculiarities of different languages and cultures and then it's even more difficult. From my experiences, I have found it much more difficult to make lasting connections in Germany than everywhere else I have lived before.
Germans tend to already have their friend groups before adulthood, and they can be quite shy when it comes to socializing with new people. Additionally, there is a strict demarcation between work and social life, so it can be difficult to get to know someone outside of work. Also, many Germans don’t have a lot of free time, and so, may not be interested in getting to know someone new. However, there are still ways you can try.
1. First things first, don't stick to only making friends with German nationals, I know this sounds counterproductive but hear me out. As I earlier stated, most foreigners who move to Germany, especially for a long-term stay tend to think that the only way to learn the language and assimilate into the culture is by acquiring German friends, this is true but you don't have to stick to German nationals only. There are a lot of other foreigners in Germany who have lived here for years that speak perfect German and have also assimilated into the culture that can help you achieve this. Seeing that it's an open secret about how difficult it is to make friends here, I can rightly state that there are a lot of foreigners who are lonely and in need of friends who would gladly get to know you and build something more.
2. Learn the language. One of the biggest barriers to making friends in Germany is the language barrier. With the Germans themselves, a lot of them are not so comfortable speaking English (or another language), especially in the rural areas and with other foreigners, it might be that they do not speak English at all or maybe just a little and so you may have to know a bit of German to assist in conversations to build deeper connections. Take a German language course or use language learning apps and YouTube to improve your language skills. This will go a long way in helping you build friendships and have overall nice experiences.
3. Join clubs or groups. Clubs and groups are well known in Germany and most Germans belong to one. This is good because a lot of foreigners know this so you will be able to find a good mix of people when you join one. Find one that matches your interests - from sports to volunteer work and you can be sure to meet people who share your passion and have something to build a friendship on. If clubs and groups are too much for you, finding a local or multinational religious group may be another way to go and it's mostly a sure way of making friends or at least, acquaintances.
4. Be proactive. Don’t wait for people to approach you first, instead, take the initiative and ask a colleague or neighbour out for coffee, drinks or some sightseeing. For most people, the workplace or school will be where you will spend most of your time and yes, even though there is this strict invisible line between Work and social life over here, don't be afraid to ask a colleague out for drinks- especially other foreigners- and if you share things in common like same hobbies or have families, then invite them for social outings or play dates at the park. It will pay off in the end.
5. Showing interest in German culture is a sure way to get you German friends. As a Nigerian, I know we love it when foreigners speak our languages and love our foods, that we make them local champions for a while and want to know their story. I imagine it's a bit of the same here. Showing interest in German culture by visiting Museums and attending various Festivals and fairs as well as trying the local foods is bound to get you some friends. Most Germans appreciate this and will invite you to more events if they see you have a genuine interest and want to participate.
6. Give it time. This can be said for most things that add value to our lives. Trying to create genuine and deep friendships take time everywhere in the world. So don't rush it but instead, be patient and try to make friends with people who share the same values as you do and who you can be sure will be by your side through life's troubles and you will be better for it.
In all these, don't forget to be the same thing you want to attract. If you want to attract kind, empathic and fun-loving people to be friends with you, don't forget that it's important that you be this sort of person to other people too, this way your circle of friends are people with the qualities you desire.
These are some of my ideas and even knowing all these, I know first-hand how difficult it still can be, so don't give up. Alternatively and perhaps most importantly, find groups made of people from where you come from, register with them and find out if there are annual or bi-annual meetups and participate. As much as it's important to make foreign friends, having people who know where you come from and share similar cultures is still important and it's good to have this also.
I would like to hear from you and what ways have helped you to make friends and build connections far away from home. Until next time, Tschüss!